Classes at school, home buildings, circles, sections, music or art school … With the onset of autumn, not only children, but also their parents face a colossal amount of things to do. There is a lot to do, but time is short. This is what becomes the source of stress, to which we react with fatigue.
We often miss signals from our body about its exhaustion. Physical weakness, headache, frequent colds and much more are signals that we have exhausted our resources.
As a result, negative emotions arise more easily: irritation, anger, depression. And we raise our voices to children who are also tired, they answer us in the same irritated way, we get angry, we answer a tone higher, they raise their voices in response. You feel a growing anger, maybe even rage … A familiar picture, isn’t it?
How to be in this case? Stop attending a circle, section, abandon tools, paints? But it is worth thinking about the burning eyes of a son or daughter when they leave such classes, and it becomes clear that this is not an option. There is a solution.
Advice one: assess the situation
1) Think about what kind of situation related to the child’s education causes negative emotions in you.
This can be, for example: a certain day, a school subject, repetitive actions, quality / qualities of a child that are constantly manifested in connection with learning (inattentive, “hasty”, “forgetful”, etc.).
If you have several such situations, try to choose the most unpleasant first, then a little less unpleasant, etc. Be sure to write them down and number them: 1 – the most unpleasant, 2 – less unpleasant, and so on. Save your energy by focusing on the biggest problem, rather than being “scattered” trying to solve all the problems at once.
2) Remember, did this situation evoke the same emotions a month, two months, six months, a year ago?
If your answer is yes, think about what you did to deal with it.
If your answer is “no”, think about what has changed during this time? Has something happened to you? Did you go to work? Are you more busy at work? Is the child losing interest in learning? Has the schedule changed? Has a new teacher arrived?
Perhaps there have been several changes at once: with you, with the child, with the family, with the school. Try to classify each of the changes into one of three categories: “strongly influenced” your condition, “did not affect in any way”, “did not significantly affect”. Even positive changes are a big stress for the body.
Think about how you can relax? How best to distribute forces, because education and upbringing of a child is not a sprint, but a marathon distance.
3) Assess your ability to influence the situation.
Be honest with yourself, do not overestimate your opportunities to change something (“I’ll make an agreement at work!” Or “I’ll ask the teacher to change the time of individual lessons!” – the situation often depends not only on you, but also on your boss or teacher).
Perhaps you will notice that you can change not the situation as a whole, but only some of its aspects:
Time (Maybe you should get ready for class early, knowing that the child is slowly dressing?);
Organization (Children need stability. The constant repetition of the same actions helps them to carry out them without getting tired. Therefore, after skipping classes, children with such difficulty again “get involved”).
According to psychological research, one of the most powerful sources of stress is a person’s feeling that they cannot influence anything. The understanding that you can at least change something in a situation that annoys or depresses you will give you cheerfulness and positiveness.
Tip two: looking for resources
1) Think about your goals: why is it so important that … (the child studied only for the “five”, attended a music school or drama studio, etc.)?
Psychologists also believe that fatigue and stress occur most often in activities that are meaningless for a person. Make sure that your decision for a child to attend a circle or section was not a momentary whim, that it is a deliberate choice.
What is important to you? For your family? For your child? These goals may be the same, they may be different. Allow yourself to pause and reflect on this for a while. If you feel that your goals have changed, you should also change things (reduce the child’s load or increase it). If the goals remain the same, remind yourself of them more often, it will motivate!
2) Think about positive examples.
Think of people whose life situations are similar to yours, but who you think are coping with stress successfully. What helps them stay balanced and keep up with everything? Their personality traits? Composure, organization? Confidence that both they and their children will cope with the difficulties?
What are your strengths to help you cope with a stressful situation? Being a parent is not easy in today’s world, but you have handled other challenges in your life well. What helped you? Can this quality (sense of humor, persistence, gentleness, flexibility …) help you to influence a difficult situation so that it stops causing stress?
3) Think about whether you attach too much importance to a situation that causes you stress and negative feelings?
Many parents feel tired by the end of the school year. And many children. And many teachers.
Remember if there is something that is connected with the education of the child and that gives you joy. When a child comes out with shining eyes, all dirty with a painting or a clay sculpture in his hands? “Avid” says that today is praise in physical education? Pleasant memories, as it were, “tone up” us, raise our spirits.
It often happens that our tiredness goes away when we switch to something pleasant to us. Do you have a hobby? Do you like going to the movies? Theatre? Even a leisurely stroll through the park can bring back the lost balance.
Tip three: make decisions and stick to them
1) It is very important to follow your decision.
The decision to change something is not enough. For this to “work”, it is very important that your decision be implemented.
Probably, not all decisions will require only one of your actions (for example, to reduce the number of other additional activities for the child is one thing, and to stop “looping” on the situation is quite another). Be prepared for the fact that you will not be able to achieve success immediately, but as you continue to make changes in the situation over and over again, you will notice improvements.
Perhaps you will notice these improvements much earlier – in your well-being, in a feeling of greater confidence, in relaxation. Instead of raising your tone, suddenly joke and be happy to see the child laughing back.
2) Choose only one solution that best suits your needs.
Never try to change everything at once.
Any change in the usual way of life and in family relationships is stress for the child, for you and for your family, and right now you are determined to reduce stress, reduce emotional stress.
3) Give yourself time.
Any psychological process has, as it were, “inertia”, reminiscent of the movement of a toy car after the child has stopped pushing it. Both you and your family need time for something to change in relation to the preparation of homework, to additional activities.
Follow these tips and you will be the one that younger and inexperienced moms and dads look at with envy – a parent who enjoys interacting with their children.